Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth;
break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the LORD has comforted his people,
and will have compassion on his suffering ones.
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
my Lord has forgotten me.”
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or show no compassion for the child of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.
Isaiah 49:13-16a
It’s Advent. Not Christmas yet — Advent first. This year, I’ve not been very good at entering into the spirit of Advent — the waiting, preparing, anticipating the birth of Christ. I’ve been too caught up in the “churchy” things I’ve had to do, the things I do so that others in my congregation might enter into Advent more fully: a Lessons and Carols service, Sunday morning worship, teaching on spiritual practices that can be helpful in deepening our faith as we “prepare the way of the Lord.”
Today, I was reading the passages assigned to today in the Daily Office lectionary, and one of the passages hit me — Revelation 3:14-22. Specifically, these verses struck me: “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (vv. 19-20). For perhaps the first time this season, I asked myself the question, “Would I be ready… if He came today?”
The answer is simple: nope. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the daily churchy things I do as part of my job, to the detriment of my own devotion. So today, I take in the words of our Lord, “Be zealous and repent.” Lord, may I be ready for you.
Not my poetry, for a change. 🙂 I’ve italicized a couple of the verses that are particularly meaningful to me.
Psalm 145:8-9, 13b-18
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
…
(13b) The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises,
and faithful in all he does.
The Lord upholds all who fall,
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
Imagine how different the story would be if the prodigal son refused to accept his father’s grace…
“The Prodigal Retold”
My father
Looks at me across the table–
which groans from the weight of so much meat
and bread and cake and wine–
past the laughing faces of
the other servants, who revel
in the wonder of my return
and the impromptu feast.
His eyes are sad.
They ask why I choke down bread crusts and
sip at stale water and
pass over the richer treats.
Is my meat not good?
Is my wine not to your liking?
I offer you my bounty–
why do you not receive?
This is my body, given for you–
take and eat!
I cannot.
I must not.
It is too painful to receive that which
I do not deserve, that which
I have not earned.
So here I sit–
hungry
guilty
mourning
fearing
rejecting the feast
as I reject
my self.
Ministry has quite a learning curve. We can read books about ministry, talk about ministry, think we know how to “do” ministry, but when we enter into ministry, sometimes the reality is much different than we expected. We learn that what pleases God is often different than what would please us. We learn that God often moves much more slowly than we wish He would (and think He should).
For me, one of the biggest battles in the first months of my ministry has been an internal battle, the battle between “being” a minister and “doing” ministry. I tend to be a “doer,” someone who measure my success in terms of what I do: keeping up with emails, taking the initiative to meet with people, going to the prayer services, leading the small group, supporting my fellow staff members, etc., etc.
However, ministry is about more than just doing: ministry is about being. It’s easy to “do” out of our own strength and talents, but it is impossible to fully “be” without reliance on the Spirit. And “being” requires taking time to not “do” — to engage in contemplation rather than action, to rest and spend time with others, and above all, to recognize that GOD is the one who truly “does” His work, not me. If I can’t take time to simply be because I am afraid to cease my doing, I have a problem: I’m putting myself in the place of God.
Consider John 3:27-30 (which is a great passage for lectio divina, by the way). In the context of this passage, the disciples of John the Baptist come to him, alarmed at the way the crowds have transferred their attention from John to Jesus. In response, John says:
A person can receive only what is given from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, “I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.” The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.
John recognizes that his role is much, much different than that of Jesus. He could have chosen to be jealous of Jesus and to act as Jesus’ rival. But John knows that the “bride” — the people of God — belongs to the “bridegroom,” to Jesus Himself.
The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The Church belongs to Christ. Not to me. I have a responsibility to serve the church, but ultimately I must remember that God is the one who brings about His kingdom. THAT is why I can rest without fear. THAT is why I can choose to “be,” rather than “do,” humbly accepting my human limitations and trusting that God works even when I do not. My “doing” far too easily becomes a way to try to make myself greater, but in resting, in simply “being,” I learn to trust in God’s power to accomplish His own purposes, and to listen and discern my place in the midst of His plan rather than assuming that I already know what I ought to do.
He must increase; I must decrease. Simple. Difficult. Essential in ministry. I suspect that as I learn to be a minister of the Lord, I will experience more of the joy John mentions — the joy of hearing God’s voice and seeing Him at work. May it be.
Another quote from Ruthless Trust – I’ve posted part of this quote already, but today the sentences after the part I quoted particularly hit me, so here goes:
The heart converted from mistrust to trust in the irreversible forgiveness of Jesus Christ is redeemed from the corrosive power of fear. The existential dread that salvation is reserved solely for the proper and pious, the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide, the brooding pessimism that the good news of God’s love is simply wishful thinking–all these combine to weave a thin membrane of distrust that keeps us in a chronic state of anxiety.
The decisive … conversion from mistrust to trust–a conversion that must be renewed daily–is the moment of sovereign deliverance from the warehouse of worry. ~Manning, 7~
The phrase, “the nameless fear that we are predestined to backslide,” particularly resonated with me today. I often experience that undercurrent of fear, hear whispers that say “I’m not following God well enough,” “I’m not doing enough to cultivate my relationship with Him,” “I used to be more faithful and more spiritual,” “God is going to give up on me if I don’t start working harder”… Those terrifying whispers haunt many of us, I suspect, creeping into the depths of our souls and instilling a chill where once there was warmth.
But these whispers are not the whispers of the Holy Spirit. God does not desire His children to live in constant anxiety that they will be cast out of His kingdom, un-adopted former heirs. When I think I am mistrusting myself, saying, “I’m not able to do this spiritual thing! I’m going to fail!” I am actually mistrusting the Lord, implying that my ability to go wrong trumps His ability “to keep [me] from stumbling and to present [me] before his glorious presence blameless and with great joy” (Jude 24).
It’s a long road, this way of trust… but well worth the journey.
Bet that title caught your attention, eh?
Today I read an excellent blog posting by Richard Beck, a professor at Abilene Christian University. Beck’s article, titled, “The Bait and Switch of Contemporary Christianity”, argues that contemporary Christians often substitute certain spiritual activities, such as having a daily quiet time, going to church, and reading religious books (things we consider “working on our relationship with God”) in place of actually trying to live as a “decent human being.” In other words, a lot of us Christians work on our relationship with God on our own through certain accepted spiritual methods but fail to actually be transformed inwardly by God through these methods.
I think Beck is scarily accurate. In fact, I highly recommend that you read his article in full (see above link). I have met Christians who are borderline obsessed with working harder at praying, reading Scripture, practicing spiritual disciplines – at practicing personal devotional piety – yet who are more concerned about themselves than about their neighbors. Yet in Scripture, active love for God and active love for neighbor are intricately connected! And in my experience, both kinds of love, while ultimately inspired in us by the Holy Spirit, must be worked at — practiced — just as we have to practice playing the piano or throwing a football.
Most likely, no Christian would deny that we are called to love other people. However, sometimes we have a blind spot when it comes to which is more important, “working on our relationship with God” or working on our relationships with our fellow human beings. God desires BOTH, and I truly believe that sometimes it is more pleasing to God for me to go spend time with another human being — or even, as Beck suggests, to tip restaurant servers well — than to pound out my relationship with God on my own, alone in my rooms. Remember Jesus’ words (yes, I know they are out of context, but I think they still apply):
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-24).
Relating with human beings does not replace our personal devotion, but neither does personal devotion replace our relationships with our fellow human beings!
Image found at http://wordincarnate.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/13-pharisee.jpg.
I recently got out the old stack of memory verses I learned back in undergrad, when my faith was really taking off for the first time. The stack of 3×5 cards is pretty beaten up now, having traveled with me from Wheaton to California to Trinity’s campus (and multiple moves on-campus) to Deerfield to my current apartment. At one point in my life I was pretty faithful to memorize Scripture on a regular basis, but I hadn’t had my cards out for quite some time.
Tonight, I craved those familiar verses, so I went through a couple of them. Here’s a passage that hit me as just the right description of where I’m at right now:
Psalm 66:16-20
Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth, His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened, but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Thanks be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me!
For some reason, I craved Scripture tonight. Maybe it was because I’d been glued to various entertainment-related screens for a good portion of the afternoon… For whatever reason, I needed something solid, something with depth, something that reached a deep place inside – even though I wasn’t sure where exactly that place was located. In flipping through the New Testament (looking for a specific passage – I can’t remember numbers for the life of me), I stumbled across exactly, exactly, exactly what I needed to read/hear from the Lord tonight.
You see, although it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind tonight, I’ve been worried about… yep, you guessed it: money. Surprise, surprise. I’ve been praying and hoping and worrying about whether or not I can afford to continue working at my church as part-time staff, or whether I need to finally “grow up” and get a “real job.” Music and church don’t seem to count as “real jobs.” I long to stay with the church community, doing the ministry I truly feel called to do – but is that simply naive? How do I know if staying here is a leap of faith or simply not being realistic? Lately, normal “life” matters of a few medical bills, needing (?) some new clothes, buying groceries, paying rent — all those things have weighed upon me.
So tonight, this is the passage the Lord brought to me:
Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. [Ouch!] Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. [Living like that sounds amazing… I’m more likely to fear that trusting my heavenly Father to feed me will leave me hungry. And how does this relate to worldly wisdom about 401k’s?] Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? [I don’t really want to add hours. Now, if I could add dollars…]
“And why do you worry about clothes? [Because I feel exceptionally shabby lately!] See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? [Yep. That’s me. I really do doubt. And I don’t fully comprehend what it means to be more precious to God than a field lily.]
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ [What about ‘How will I ever afford to pay off my school loans?’] For the pagans run after all these things [So true, the world is full of people working hard to take care of themselves, desperate to provide for their needs and wants by careful planning and hard work] and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
WHOA! Stop right there! “Your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” Wow – it never hit me like that before. Tonight, something about that phrase grabbed me – God knows that I need these daily things. All the “But’s” I add won’t change that.
But here’s the kicker, the verse that hit me once again tonight:
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
If I am truly seeking after God’s kingdom, seeking to follow Him and serve Him, He WILL provide for me. No conditionals here. Putting Him first is all that matters. That is not naivete: that is faith.
Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!
Psalm 63
1. You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you, [Yes, Lord, this is exactly where I am tonight]
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water. [Yes, Lord, I am so thirsty in this place]
2. I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory [Yes, Lord, thank you for the privilege of seeing you work at my church, of participating in your work there!]
3. Because your love is better than life
my lips will glorify you. [Wow, I can barely comprehend what that means – but it resonates within me! And yes, may it be!]
4. I will praise you as long as I live, [Yes, Lord, I will]
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods, [fully satisfied – wow, that’s powerful]
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. [Yes, Lord – thank you for the joy of singing to you with all my might!]
6. On my bed I will remember you; [that’s exactly what I’m doing right now]
I think of you through the watches of the night. [it amazes me when a Psalm hits so dead-on with where I’m at]
7. Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings. [Wow – I’ve never thought about this verse before – “singing” in the shadow of His wings – I bet that’ll come to mind the next time I lead in worship]
8. I cling to you; [yes, Lord]
your right hand upholds me. [thank you, Lord!]
9. Those who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10. They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals. [Verses like these always remind me that the Psalms were NOT written just for my personal devotions.]
11. But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God will glory in him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced. [Lord, even though these verses don’t make me “feel” like I’m connecting with you in the same way so much of this Psalm does, I thank you for them. And I thank you that justice belongs to you, and that you watch over those who fear You. Help me live in such a way that I rejoice and glory and rest and work and trust in You!]
Light and Shifting Shadows 
